Expectations (Relationships) Continued

Expectations (Relationships)
Those who know me know that I am not one to have a "boyfriend." I have boys who are friends (really just friends) guys who aren't just friends and guys but boyfriend has never really been my thing. I have always believed that if you make someone your your significant other you can see them in your future. for example I would not date a guy unless I could see him as the father of my kids. (bit far in the future i know but if i don't see you as that there is no reason for us to play the whole game of meeting parents and all that jazz. I thought it kept things simple. Many of my friends would call that fear. afraid of being hurt. I call it smart. Not wasting time titling and tying yourself down with someone you don't have potential with..... more on this later

CONT: Well, back again. I mentioned earlier that I don't title a guy my boyfriend unless I could see a future with him and well I find myself in a bit of a predicament. I find myself with a, yes I will say it, BOYFRIEND. At 23 years of age you would think I would know what that entails but...(The problem)... I don't have boyfriends. I am travelling in uncharted waters on a stormy day with no life vest hoping the rain will stop and I will safely reach shore. Not the most promising scenario.

I look back on what my friends would say to me about being afraid, not wanting to let someone get to close to me for fear of getting hurt and fear of losing my freedom (losing everything that makes me, me. ) I am afraid . I am not afraid of losing my freedom, I am afraid of giving someone too much emotional power over myself. I love deeply and passionately and to open myself up in such a way that I am handing someone else the skeleton key, to me it's like standing on the edge of an airplane at 50,000 ft and being deathly terrified of heights. Those who do jump say the risks involved in the fall are worth it, I am almost there holding on to the plane with one pinkie to far out to get back on the plane but comforted by the fact that the plane is still nearby.

Now, I am rambling. Do any of you know what I am talking about??? Send me some advice. BE back soon.